i wasn’t going to make anything about this blog very personal… but it’s hard in the day to day to not let it seep in…
this past weekend my much beloved pet passed away. i never tired of turning my camera her way and snapping a few photos. when she was young, as soon as i put the camera in front of my face, she’d charge me. she didn’t like it when i pointed anything her way, and with a camera, you had to be quick (i have many a blurry photo of a kujo looking dog coming towards the camera). as she got older, it was still hard to make her sit still… you’d have to catch her in those rare moments when she was completely relaxed (see: in the sun, or asleep) or completely bored with whatever the humans were doing (see: above).
it’s amazing all the little things a pet brings to your life. it’s funny to think they adapt to our schedules, when in fact, it’s us to theirs. i miss our morning shadowing… her following me to the coffee pot (to see if i also reach for a cookie) then into the bedroom to retrieve her bed (how many times a day did we move that bed !) then i’d follow her to her bed, to her bowl… to make sure she had what she needed as she settled in.
through the deaths i’ve already experienced… she was there with me to help me get through them. you have to get out of bed to let her out, while out, she needed to run. and really, you couldn’t help but smile to think… it just goes on for them. they don’t care that you’re sad, or hurt, or flailing… they love you. unconditionally. to get through her death with empty space beside me… with no lolling tongue giving my cheek a lick… it’s truly one of the hardest things i’ve experienced. i should be so lucky that the worst i’ve had so far is a dying pet. it’s hard to see the silver lining. the lining which of course is 13 years with a dog who technically had none. sharing all that time with an animal who loved, gave, ran and retrieved. made us laugh on many occasions; so many odd quirks and a mind that was quick. she will be missed. and loved… forever.