think- what am i going to make for dinner?
ugh. groceries. cooking.
what time is it.
check texts, check email, see that there are 18k emails, get out of email, and onto twitter.
read 3 tweets, and see a wordle post.
get on wordle.
do puzzle, send stats to mom.
wonder about calling mom, but would have to get out of bed.
want to stay in bed just a little longer.
debate in head re: checking IG.
stay off IG, and play slither.
mom texts her wordle.
find headphones, watch videos of cats and dancing on tiktok.
look for glasses.
no glasses. anywhere. wonder where glasses are. think of 10 places they could be.
find hair tie. see 26 hair ties. feel bad about all the hair ties everywhere. grab one.
ponytail and downstairs.
see orchids. wish all the plants could be doing as well as the orchids. remember about the plant that fell behind the christmas tree. wonder if you're strong enough to move the tree?
scoop beans, grind, fill the water, choose a cup (VA today for jessica's bday), sugar + cinnamon in cup, push brew.
the moment it starts dripping, pills- vitamin D, and anti-depressant. wonder about taking anti-depressants. wonder if it's more peri-menopause than depression. think about how every year, as an aging woman, you feel more and more slighted by medicine. think about doing yoga. wonder if you could get strong enough to do scorpion. wish you could do scorpion right now.
dog comes into kitchen.
watch dog eat, and pet her soft ears. she has the softest ears.
watch her take a drink of water. remember yesterday's vow to drink 8 glasses of water a day. get a glass of water, set it at the table.
coffee's done. add cream. stir. think about how amazing it is that someone found coffee beans. roasted them. ground them, and brewed them. it smells amazing. think about the first cup of coffee ever on earth. bless that human and their brain. take a sip.
HEAVEN. ugh. coffee is the best.
take pills. wonder some more about peri-menopause. vow to buy dr. jen gunter's book. wonder if you should be taking calcium. wonder if vitamins are a hoax. wonder if you're going to have brittle bones, because ever since having kids, and breastfeeding, milk is gross. except half and half. worry about the contradiction.
drink coffee. marvel at coffee, and half and half.
shudder thinking of drinking a glass of milk.
examine nails and see all the jagged bits.
look in 5 places for any nail file.
find a nail file, and file jagged bits.
feel less unkempt.
think about hair.
decide to make a list. list-making is a fight against unkempt-ness. and planners. planners solve disorganization. have had planner for 84 years. still disorganized.
worry about contradiction.
today, today... find today in planner.
find yesterday's list on yesterday.
cross items off, move the undone items to today.
see the empty boxes for 'drinking water'.
wonder how much water you had yesterday.
think maybe 2 tumblers.
3 to be generous.
2.5 for honesty?
cross off 2 boxes and feel failure.
see the glass of water sitting at the table.
cross off half a box on today.
wonder about packing lunches.
and clean clothes.
look at the 5 laundry baskets in the living room.
swear there were 3 yesterday.
hate the laundry with a seething rage.
think about making dinner.
take a sip of coffee.
get over anger, and dig for clean clothes for child 1.
wonder if you have time for a shower.
think about hair.
wake up child 1.
worry that neither child is capable of getting themselves up and ready.
wonder if that's possible.
worry that every child but yours is capable of getting up and ready, and you have failed to teach your child basic life skills.
think of the worst thing you could do as a mother.
think of medea.
not horrible mother, just... not the best.
think of the best mother you know.
wonder how they do all things they do.
like swim lessons.
still haven't done swim lessons.
detest and abhor the uncertainty of everything.
smooch the cheek of kid 1, and remind him to change clothes.
remind him to get his breakfast.
beg for him to close the computer.
worry about screen time.
hunt in 5 places for yesterday's lunch box.
open the fridge and think of 8 different lunches you could make.
give him 2 choices.
he asks for something else.
pack the something else, and feel relief that the lunch is done.
think about dinner.
wish dinner would magically appear.
wonder about magic.
is this true to life? like you're inside my head, getting a glimpse of the chaos and magic. do you wonder how i live like this? me too! i also wonder if other people live like this. i assume they do, but i've definitely met the ones who don't. i wish on the daily i were more like them. distracted doesn't even begin to cover how i feel, and the constant frustration of flitting from thought to thought, thing to thing... sometimes i use it as a super power, most days it makes me feel like a lunatic. anyway, just a random thing to share on this sunday in february! yikes. time is speedy. almost time for valentines. i'll be posting a download for printable valentines tomorrow, and hopefully the template for a make-your-own postcard that will work for ‘birthday’, ‘valentines’, ‘thank you's’ and ‘thinking of you’.
MAKE if you've ever wanted to make a valentines garland (ours hangs in our dining room) i have a super quick tutorial here.
STITCH and! if you love cross stitch (and bunnies and hearts) my bunny valentine cross stitch pattern is here.
WRITE if you’re into postcards that are ready to go (just add personal thoughts!) i sell sets i had printed from some of my artwork. they’re colorful and great to have on hand. also? there are postcard valentines. i know! timely.
thanks for reading. xoxo- k.